Dear Signore Direttore,

Noew I am tella you story wot I was a-treated at zour hotella.

I am comma from Roma as tourist to London and stay as a younga christian man at your hotella. When I comma in my room I see there is no shit in my bed?

So I calla down to receptione and tella: "I wanta shit".
They tella me: "Go to toilet".
I say: "No, no I wanta shit in my bed".
They say: "Youd better not shit in your bed, you sonna-wa-bitch"

What is sonna-wa-bitch?

I go down for breakfast into restorante. I order bacon and egga and two pissis of toast. I getta only one piss of toast.

I tella waitress, and point at toast: "I wanta piss".
She tella me: "Go to toilet".
I say: "No, no I wanta piss on my plate".
She then say to me: "You'd bloody wella not piss on the plate, you sonna-wa-bitch".

That is the second person who do not even know me calla me "sonna-wa-bitch", and why is your staff replying "Go to toilet", is that a modern tella? I do not understand, please tella me!

Later I go for dinner in your restorante. Spoon and knife is laid out, but no fock.

I tella waitress: "I wanta fock"
And she tella me: "Sure everyone wanta fock"
I tella her: "No, no you don't understand me, I wanta fock on the table"
She tella me: "So you sonna-wa-bitch wanta fock on the table? Get your ass out of here".

How comma this christian hotella tella the guest in such bed manner? So I go to receptione and ask for bill. I wanta stay in this hotella no more.

When I have paid the a-billa the portier say to me: "Thank you, and piss on you".

I say: "Piss on you too, you sonna-wa-bitch, I now go back to Italy".

Direttore, I never gonna stay in your hotella no more, you sonna-wa-bitch.

Sincerely,